Time has a way of teaching you that nothing is permanent. Oftentimes, it feels like things will last forever as you get used to constantly sharing experiences with someone, but eventually people change, seasons change, and nothing stays the same forever. The pain of detaching from the loved ones of your past can be very hard, but it is also a great opportunity for growth.
Investing time and emotion in another person, whether it is a friend, family member, or a significant other, takes a lot of dedication and you might expect that person to stick around forever. When that doesn’t happen, it can be absolutely devastating and learning to accept that the door between you and other people is constantly opening and closing can be a struggle, especially as you move through the process of letting go. Attaching to people that you care about is normal, however not everyone that comes into your life is meant to be there forever. People come into your life briefly, and pass by just as quickly. Accepting this process as a part of life can give you comfort in knowing that it isn’t something that you did, but that this is an experience that many before you have faced, and people after you will face. Nothing in life is permanent.
When someone is no longer part of your life, it leaves a gaping hole in your heart. The routines that were built with your loved one is gone, and it leaves a strong feeling of discomfort with the quiet that surrounds you. You miss them, and the comfort in knowing that they’d be there for you in each stage of your life. If you’re like most people, you do not like to be alone, and because of this, many people try to run from the feelings of discomfort that being alone creates. I was one of those people, but I reached a point in my life where I realize that not everything is meant to last forever, and the emptiness that may come from being in a space loss, grief, and solitude does not have to be a negative experience. The fear of being alone, and loosing people that we love is a primal fear that we all have to conquer if we want to be happy, but there are legitimate reasons why we develop this fear. It is vital for our emotional health to be social and to create connections with others, as we live in an interconnected world. Studies show that people who are married, and those that attend churches or are involved consistently in some kind of social community live longer than those who do not because as human beings, we all need some kind of companionship in order to thrive. So when people walk away, it can feel like we have been cut off from our tribe, and create some very real feelings of insecurity.
In my life I have experienced more losses than you can imagine, and I am no stranger to the experience of change and disappointment. People that I expected to be in my life forever have come and gone and each time that it happened, I would sometimes blame myself. Loosing friends from high school and college as everyone started to move away and start families, break ups, and distance, have cost me close relationships with some really awesome people and it sucked. I have since become more accepting of the flow of life, and I try to live in the moment and enjoy the people around me each moment that I’m with them. I am fairly introverted by nature, so I usually need alone time to recharge, but the discomfort in not having a partner there, and the fear of the impermanence of relationships no longer causes an ache in my heart. The fleeting feelings of comfort, joy, happiness, and despair that I experience with others helps me to stay grounded in living in the moment, and the space of solitude that comes from time to time in my life has become a place of enjoyment. It has become an opportunity to get closer to myself, and to be highly creative.
So when you’re going through a period of loss or feeling alone, pick up the hobby that you have been neglecting, or engage in some serious self-care. Remember that even though someone that you cared for is gone, they will always be with you in your heart. Eventually new people will come into your life, and when they do, be mindful during your experiences, and appreciate each moment with them in its entirety. While you heal from the pain of the loss, engage with yourself in your space of solitude and reinvigorate your soul. Keep in mind that although people are not permanent, the memories that you make with them are and thats all you have to hold on to.